After editing the past four instalments of this column which all featured Mike Posner’s I Took A Pill In Ibiza, I was initially hoping and praying for something new to write about. Like many others, I didn’t believe Posner deserved the top spot, and likewise all the publicity that came alongside it, for such a bland and uninventive single. Yet, this morning I discovered there was a chance of Drake’s One Dance reaching the number one and all of a sudden I found myself appreciating I Took A Pill In Ibiza a hell of a lot more.
It might be Drake’s first ever number one single as a lead artist but with a standard beat, meaningless lyrics and basic layering, One Dance is nothing special. Drake’s voice is auto-tuned to the absolute maximum like some kind of Miley Cyrus piss-take. He sings:
“You know you gotta stick by me
Soon as you see the text, reply me.”
Not only is this once more another overly-aggressive piece depicting a man’s view of “his woman”, but it lacks the catchiness needed to make a strong single. The rhymes are forced and Drake drags some syllables out to a laughable extent which has left me asking, what was the point in even writing this song? As a result, the collaborations with Wizkid and Kyla give this song its only advantage; a relief from Drake’s computerised voice which is necessary even in such a short single (lasting less than a mere three minutes). However, towards the end of the track, as Wizkid and Kyla provide the bridge, the song breaks down into a sort of amateur remix, popping in and out like a kid messing around with a switch. It makes the overall single appear disjointed and random, as though it wasn’t released in its final version, and with the bland artwork for the single you’d think so… but that’s just wishful thinking.
With a summer feel I can see why this single will be attracting those desperate for a bit of sunshine and, bizarrely, this is one of those cringe-worthy summer songs that I can imagine my mum downloading for the sake of its mood alone. Still, I am struggling to understand how it made it to the top of the charts.
Personally, I avoid chart music. Unless I hear of some rare success I will avoid radio stations, clubs and the iPods of people who say they like “all music” (when they really mean all chart music). The only place I’m at risk of hearing chart music is at the hairdresser’s and thankfully they tend to be stuck in the early 2000s. However, this column and previous Editor Charlotte Morrison (in her feature: A Vindication Of Pop Music) have taught me that chart music doesn’t have to be awful. After learning that tough lesson and having to admit that even Justin Beiber has made a giant leap in terms of his single releases, One Dance has been a huge disappointment to me. Let us hope that One Dance is only here for one week.